i’m still between being a girl& not trying to be a woman/not needing to be
begging to be though;with too much love riding on me as a “young lady”
but drinks all around.because i spent the handfuls of dimes on cigarettes
(that’s what makes me a child,)and the $100 on other peoples’ plates
(making me a friend). but (really) it was three years’ dedication
because commitment makes me a woman,but too bad
i can’t commit to something that doesn’t kill me;it doesn’t
make me stronger, i don’t try anymore&i am not a child
i am devoted to you can’t help me because stop helping me
—&
5/9
i am not beautiful because i cannot even freeze a flickering glimpse of my own sun hidden behind the sky’s hands
because a stack of paper pushes me off a precipice, tells me to find a job, instead drives me to say, love, i want to make you pancakes
walking down to winter street like it isn’t even spring time and all the pink petals already fell and dead cats covered them, because everything already rots and we haven’t even thrown the month of may into the garbage
every year i don’t drink and i crash handfuls of aeroplanes into your front lawn. they’re not cars but i can dream about slamming my brakes into
It was summer. The landscape appeared to be a purposive manifestation of a child's playtime tantrum; a disorderly yet calculated assortment of smears and streaks across the sky, a cultivation of hap-hazardously placed mango trees; in every pond there were clumps of lily- pads which permitted cascades of tiny frogs, each one producing iridescent sprinklings as they jumped through the air and into the water, and upon each forest trail laid the remnants of paw prints and hooves, residue from journeys of wayfarers long since gone. The land's field mice and rabbits rested in any given patch of pastoral earth, chewing and burrowing with the intent
let me rest my face on your back
and my words will seep into you
and your ribcage will feel stronger
and your heart will swell.
when you hear what i have to say about you,
you will feel love.
so let me rest my face on your back,
and i will let you love me.
I keep my eyes out of love.
"To feel and hear with greater accuracy,
we must be blind," but that is not why
I chose to count the number of flowers on the wall
when you were breathing into my ear.
To deserve is to give, and how can I deserve
something so holy (love) if I cannot acknowledge
its mumbling core; I would sooner find myself deciphering patterns
in fences, or fresh paint jobs, than
be consumed in an eye consumed with me.
I am cruel and unfair and will not
fall in love, and I beg of you, please:
do not
fall in love
with me.
trying to kiss me while
tripping your toes on my window sill
makes too much
NOISE.
at 3 in the morning
so shut your mouth and get
under the blankets and
pretend to sleep
(the only thing we haven't done)
why can't two people just
breathe/breathe/breathe together
without the
GASP.
in between the stroking touching trembling shaking
of what we called
..
love?
careful isn't caring
when caution only means
we'll just be quiet and
YES.
do it for
the person you think i am thought i was
we don't have to
okay if you really need it
yes
please.
i’m still between being a girl& not trying to be a woman/not needing to be
begging to be though;with too much love riding on me as a “young lady”
but drinks all around.because i spent the handfuls of dimes on cigarettes
(that’s what makes me a child,)and the $100 on other peoples’ plates
(making me a friend). but (really) it was three years’ dedication
because commitment makes me a woman,but too bad
i can’t commit to something that doesn’t kill me;it doesn’t
make me stronger, i don’t try anymore&i am not a child
i am devoted to you can’t help me because stop helping me
—&
5/9
i am not beautiful because i cannot even freeze a flickering glimpse of my own sun hidden behind the sky’s hands
because a stack of paper pushes me off a precipice, tells me to find a job, instead drives me to say, love, i want to make you pancakes
walking down to winter street like it isn’t even spring time and all the pink petals already fell and dead cats covered them, because everything already rots and we haven’t even thrown the month of may into the garbage
every year i don’t drink and i crash handfuls of aeroplanes into your front lawn. they’re not cars but i can dream about slamming my brakes into
It was summer. The landscape appeared to be a purposive manifestation of a child's playtime tantrum; a disorderly yet calculated assortment of smears and streaks across the sky, a cultivation of hap-hazardously placed mango trees; in every pond there were clumps of lily- pads which permitted cascades of tiny frogs, each one producing iridescent sprinklings as they jumped through the air and into the water, and upon each forest trail laid the remnants of paw prints and hooves, residue from journeys of wayfarers long since gone. The land's field mice and rabbits rested in any given patch of pastoral earth, chewing and burrowing with the intent
let me rest my face on your back
and my words will seep into you
and your ribcage will feel stronger
and your heart will swell.
when you hear what i have to say about you,
you will feel love.
so let me rest my face on your back,
and i will let you love me.
I keep my eyes out of love.
"To feel and hear with greater accuracy,
we must be blind," but that is not why
I chose to count the number of flowers on the wall
when you were breathing into my ear.
To deserve is to give, and how can I deserve
something so holy (love) if I cannot acknowledge
its mumbling core; I would sooner find myself deciphering patterns
in fences, or fresh paint jobs, than
be consumed in an eye consumed with me.
I am cruel and unfair and will not
fall in love, and I beg of you, please:
do not
fall in love
with me.
trying to kiss me while
tripping your toes on my window sill
makes too much
NOISE.
at 3 in the morning
so shut your mouth and get
under the blankets and
pretend to sleep
(the only thing we haven't done)
why can't two people just
breathe/breathe/breathe together
without the
GASP.
in between the stroking touching trembling shaking
of what we called
..
love?
careful isn't caring
when caution only means
we'll just be quiet and
YES.
do it for
the person you think i am thought i was
we don't have to
okay if you really need it
yes
please.
For some time now, I've had the idea that I would go through the novel "Memoirs of a Geisha" chapter by chapter and note the inaccuracies within it. The reason why is because of the sheer number of people (probably in the tens of millions worldwide) who believe the book is anywhere from mostly accurate to consistently accurate. These people treat the book as a legitimate reference material concerning geisha, and I want to show them that this is a bad idea. I don't believe novels should be treated as factual reference material in general, but this in particular is a practice I dislike because "Memoirs of a Geisha" is not even fifty percent
Dear Unborn Child, Whom I Let Go;
When I was thirteen and four months old, and you were thirteen years younger, I decided to let you go. You squirmed in opposition beneath my ribcage, up against my pelvis, and I licked my lips and tried to smile while I leaned my forehead on the cool glass of the car, hellbound.
I remember sea weed insertion, dilation, cramps and bleeding. Orange smoothies from Dairy Queen that I threw up, and I hoped you were mingling in the remains of my summer day treat, so I could put this behind me. Pretend I was 'moving on'. I laid in the bathtub of a hotel room for six hours, trying to melt you away in scalding water
so, june's behind us; july is upon us; summer's here, etc. i need some books to read.
(i'm in a production of sweeney todd and it is fabulous and i'm going to see harry potter at midnight next week and i'm dressing up and it's going to be fantastic and i've been getting home after midnight every night this week and that has been exciting)
summer of 2011 book list (so far):
The Princess Bride by William Goldman
The Shining by Stephen King
Room by Emma Donoghue
Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer
Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
anything written by Carl Sagan
Fight Club by Chuck Palahniuk
Catcher in the Rye by J.D. Salinger
A Streetc
76. In utter weariness he asked her once in different words, "Then where do you go from here—where do you turn?"
"Toward life," she said "Toward life," and turned toward him.
247. The lights of many battleships drifting like water jewels upon the dark Hudson.
520. A girl who could send tear-stained telegrams.
537. Emily, who was twenty-five and carried space around with her into which he could step and be alone with their two selves.
687. Family like the last candies left in a dish.
903. As if heart and brain had been removed and were kept in a canopic vase.
1024. Resent the attempt of the boys and girl
(like that Kanye West song, which, in actuality, is a Bon Iver song)
hi hi hi hi hi hi hi beautifuls, i hope you're all well/basking in the cheer of the fast-approaching holidays
super perfundo on the early eve of your day